Today’s Three Questions for Theists - April 4, 2014

Well, I see that Easter is rapidly approaching (the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox). Easter is really THE important date in Christianity. It is the resurrection and the promise of a little taste of that for us that is the cornerstone of the whole  deal.

For example:
Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. (John 6:54...text me!)

Ok then.

Now being a piece of scripture it has to be ‘interpreted’. (mysterious ways and all that you know).

Well, we can’t really eat Jesus’ flesh...he’s either a pretend person or long dead. But, wait, actually we CAN because the priest has the magical powers to turn something actually worse than my mom’s home made bread into the flesh of a dead jew from 2014+ years ago. Same with the blood. Priest turns some Thunderbird* into blood which can only be an improvement. So I go to communion and eat the flesh of the savior and drink his blood (this would make an awesome movie!) and NOW I too will be raised up . . .oh wait a minute…’on the last day’.

Hmmmm...MY last day? That would be awesome. Like getting the short TSA line at the airport. OR, does it mean the last day of all days? Will I know I’m waiting because that’s going to be awhile. OR is the ‘last day’ the day of the promised second coming? Well, in any case being raised up is better than being let down I always say (unless you’re calling a guy with a pair of bullets in the hole).

Now then, what of the converse?  If I do not eat of thy flesh nor drink thy blood what then? (Cheeze, now you got ME talking that way!) Banished to the neither world for eternity? I just can’t see a creator of the entire freaking universe really caring what I have for brunch on a Sunday.

Are there three questions in there? You decide. I’ll sit back and wait to not be answered.

* Old Thunderbird wine ad:

What’s the word?
Thunderbird
What’s the price?
30 twice
What’s the action?
Satisfaction!
Thunderbird!